Push and Pull

I found an apartment last night that I can’t stop thinking about. It’s on the East Side of Milwaukee on a tree lined street around cute condos and within walking distance to many of my favorite downtown places…including the lake. It has a cute front porch big enough for a comfy chair and a table and a living room with a fireplace, yes a fireplace. The kitchen is bright, big, and sunny and the attached bedroom will easily house my double bed, dresser and nightstand. The bathroom is small, which is probably the only downfall but it’s a small price to pay for a truly adorable apartment.

But I’m not sure I can afford it. Actually I can afford it, but it doesn’t leave much expendable income afterwards; in fact, very little…closer to none. I may not be able to eat very often. Is an adorable apartment in the exact area I want to be worth the extra financial hassle? I don’t know!

The smart decision is probably no. I should be saving money for a house, I should be saving money for a new car, I should be saving money to eat. I should, I should, I should.

But it’s so cute. And I’m not exactly smart with money…ever. But I really should suck it up, learn my lesson, and stop using the “that’s just how I am” excuse huh?

*sigh*

I know, you’re all right. It’s just so damn hard to tame the immediate satisfaction urge within me!!!

I wish that growing up, and moving out of your parent’s house could be handled in the same way as a divorce is. In a situation when one’s financial stability severely overrides that of the other party, it is generally deemed necessary by the courts that the more well-off party continue providing a monetary compensation in order to provide the other with the same status of living as they are now accustomed to living. I think this agreement should apply to broke children moving on with their lives. Then I could have my cute East Side apartment…and maybe an Audi.

And now, I’m whining like a spoiled kid would and yet, I wouldn’t give up my independence for anything, no matter how much I pretend I’d like to. The burden of financial struggle although it sucks, is a great feeling to know that I’m doing it…all by myself. And so, I’ll probably sign this lease, because I can, and I’ll complain about being so broke that I’ve resorted to tearing out magazine perfume samples to make myself smell good. Don’t doubt me, I’ll do it.

Or maybe I won’t…because I never can make a big decision.