Tuesday, August 28, 2007

A Traitor to the Woman's Movement?

I'm not going to lie and pretend that I don't like chivalry. Because I do. I love when a door is held open for me or when someone allows me to enter an establishment before them. I love getting flowers and a paid dinner every now and then and I simply adore when a gentleman stands up at a table when a woman does the same. I'm not ooey and gooey and overly romantic but I can't help but feel flattered when someone goes out of there way to make me feel special and important...and taken care of.

...even if I can take care of myself.

I do love to feel a bit vulnerable from time to time. To allow someone else to take the reigns over me every now and then. Yet there is a very large part of me that craves the independence that I have. The ability that I have to live on my own and pay for my own meals. To drive my own car and hold the door for others as opposed to it being held for me. I like buying my own flowers and taking myself out on dates and smiling at the end of the day that I did things for myself...by myself. Because I can and I do!!

I'm making my fellow feminists proud here. Except I can't consider myself a feminist. I like chivalry remember? And we can't expect chivalry and independence from male domination simultaneously.

Or can we?

Can I enjoy when a man opens the door for me yet stand up for my right to hold my own as well? Is a chivalrous man someone to be feared or thanked? To be an independent woman, do I have to give up my appreciation for chivalry as well? Am I trying to have my cake and eat it too?


Derek said...

You can have your cake and eat it too. I don't see why you can't be independent AND appreciate some chivalry as well. I'm pretty sure my wife is the same way. She loves it when I get the door or get her flowers but in no way am I supposed be the "dominate" one and always do everything for her. She's definitely independent. :)

Andre said...

I've noticed that when people are struggling to get something, or have struggled to get it and are new to it, they tend to go too far. And in some cases they become so engrossed in the fight that their own identity is wrapped-up in it... like if they budge even a little, they won't be themselves anymore.

I've noticed that in the die-hard feminists. That, and they whole movement seems to be based heavily on conspiracy. The books I read identify a lot of bad things that happen, but they always seem to attribute it to malice. Never attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity.

Christi said...

Andre: I completely agree. It's frustrating when random acts of stupidity are attributed to malicious acts against the movement. A black man gets arrested in a white neighborhood and it's racism. A gay man gets beat up in a bar and it's automatically a hate crime. We're so quick to assume when our cause becomes the center of our universe.

Derek: Believe me I completely agree with you as well. But I still kind of feel like the idea is hypocritical. We want our men to attend to us...yet on our own terms of when and where. Do it too often and the man is labeled as controlling and demeaning. Do it too little and the man is labeled as insincere.

Or like when women want to be seen as more than just sex objects, yet we parade around in short shorts and baby tees for money at bars and restaurants such as Hooters! While I completely support doing what you will with your body, you have to at least acknowledge the effect (if any) it's having on society's image of women.

I guess I just have to wonder at what point are we taking steps backwards? Or is this the way of the modern women and it's okay to have a little bit of everything without compromising the entire women's rights movement!

I like to think the latter is true =)